STUPID ASSHOLE DESTINY PLAYERS (Comment Comeback)
Hello, and welcome to Comment Comeback, the show where me, [concrete dragging] [fart noise] IHE, goes back to the fucking horrible comment section of a video I’ve made to “comment” and make “comebacks” on some of the most stupid, funny, or interesting comments I’ve got. This time I’ve chosen to go to the comment section of a very recent video I made about the latest expansion for the video game “Destiny”, because quite frankly, the comment section is fucking pathetic and truly awful. I’m not very impressed with what some of you… losers in the Destiny community have to fucking say; I think some of it’s actually pretty fucking sad.
[crying baby in background] I’m in a godawful terrible mood today, because I just had to trawl through hundreds, if not thousands, of comments in the comment section, looking at all the stupid, insulting shit. So, for my own sanity, I’ve actually called upon the help of my good friend. The ghost from Destiny. Say hello, Ghost. (Ghost): Hello, YOU FUCKING BITCHES! ♫ Title Card Theme (Local Forecast – Elevator) ♫ So, as always, I’m going to transport you
[applause in background] to the land of bullshittery and fun… the fun… The amazing, enjoyable fun. You can stop clapping now. You can stop applauding, ‘cuz you know what’s coming: the comment section, presented to you by my iPad Mini. Here we go. (For your convenience, punctuation has been added to these comments in the subtitles.) “Games suck now. My cock is more fun to play with because it ends when I ejaculate, but games are dumb, ‘cuz I can’t fuck”–wha? “I can’t fuck them with my dick,” *chuckles* “and you just play them forever; it’s stupid.” (Ghost): You know this guy over here, h-he’s kind of gotta… He’s got a good point. I agree with this man over here. (IHE): I recommend changing your voice, because it’s too similar to something from Rick and Morty, okay? (New Ghost): Oh, my apologies… I will do this voice instead from now on then, not a problem. (IHE): But yes, you do have a point… pretty good point, commenter… number one. This comes from the famous… Bob Typhoon H… …thanks for your comment, Bob. “Funny how you are using complete shit weapons in the video. Are you sure you actually played the game, or are you just not very good at it?” What are you trying to say with that? How could I not be good at it… and never have played the game? Makes no fucking sense, Bob. “I agree it’s the same ol’ same ol’ stuff, but does anyone really care about ‘story lines’? Um, go rent a movie if you want a story; Destiny is about killing shit and getting… rearwards, (oh ffs) grinding for gear, and, when that gets boring, you switch to crucible and trials. Funny how folks complain about games, yet they keep playing them; (what?) walk away if you don’t like it. Uh, didn’t I say in the video that I did walk away for something like six months? There are so many games that are so worse than Destiny. An the new ghost… is shit; sounds like a retarded child. I feel if you are actually listening to the story rather than playing the game, you should move out of your mother’s house and get a job; who has that kind of time? Load up and go kill.” First off, I wanna just, um… …um, I’m gonna let the ghost handle most of this one because… …um, It’s a good way of… …releasing all the blame from me if I say anything rude. (Ghost): Listen up, “Bob’s Burgers”, you little bitch, your comment is the fucking stupidest thing I’ve ever read in my life! (IHE): Mate, calm down, y’know, it’s all right, it’s just a comment, y’know, Bob probably didn’t mean it personally. (Ghost): But what the fuck is he talking about?! If he wants me to watch movies instead of “playing fucking games for stories”, why do they keep putting stories in?! Why do they put them fucking in, WHAT’S THE POINT?! WHY DO THEY KEEP COPYING MOVIES ALL THE TIME?! If-if they just want me to play the game, why would they even put cutscenes and bullshit in if it’s… FUCKING WORTHLESS and they’re admitting that it’s bad?! This is just fucking RETARDED!! HIS ARGUMENT IS COMPLETELY MORONIC!! EVERYTHING HE SAID IS COMPLETELY BROKEN, FLAWED LOGIC THAT’S COM… JUST… U-… UTTERLY RIDICULOUS!!! (IHE): Calm down, Ghost… …calm down. It’s okay. *gently caresses Ghost* Bob’s Burgers is, is… I appreciate his comment, but at the same time, I don’t, ‘cuz it’s completely worthless and stupid and full of shit. “Master Chief was pretty much like Lord Salad…in. Master Chief may have been unenthused as a character, but he was supposed to be like that. So he could look like a very serious soldier. Lord saladin is pretty much the same way. So if, for some reason, you haven’t watched the, uh, Destiny video I made, I would – which… …this whole thing is based on; I would recommend doing so first, otherwise a lot of this is not gonna make any sense, but Lord Saladin was the character I criticized the most, ‘cuz he was the main character of this DLC, um… …buy my mug. (an incredible £10.99 bargain!) And I thought his voice acting and writing was pretty bad, and this has been the main thing that people have been… getting a bit upset about. This guy reckons that… he’s similar to Master Chief in the way that his… …personality is “stoic”, he’s withheld, he’s quiet. Except… …Master Chief has much more going on; he’s got a better voice actor, for a start, he’s very minimal in the things that he says, and I never even compared him to Master Chief, so I don’t even know why he’s come up. I don’t think… …Master Chief is necessarily a strong character based on the things, that is… that have been presented… in the — in the games that exist, not-not including any books or lore or some shit. What do you think, Ghost? (Ghost): Look, let’s be fucking real: Lord Saladin… his dialogue is FUCKING APPALLING! “Ooh, they used to be dead, oh, I didn’t know they could be dead, until they did… die!” THIS KIND OF SHIT, THIS IS THE LEVEL WE’RE TALKING ABOUT! WHO FUCKING WROTE THIS, A FOUR-YEAR-OLD?! THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE, UN…ACCEPTABLE!!! (Lord of Salad): I didn’t even know someone with the Traveler’s Gift could die… …until they did. . . . u n t i l t h e y d i d . (Ghost): ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE! NOT-NOT FOR THINGS THAT I’M PAYING FOR- (IHE): Stop, Ghost… …you didn’t have a single point. I’m starting — I’m starting to regret… actually inviting you to my show. I have no problem with stoic characters, with… reserved characters, quiet characters; they CAN have depth. I think it’s a misunderstanding to say that somebody who is stoic in a movie or any bit of media is necessarily boring or… …bad because of that. I think of a great example, um… Breaking Bad; Mike. Mike. Mike, Mike, Mike. Great character. He’s reserved; he’s stoic, keeps things to himself, and is a very well-fleshed-out character. The Lord Saladin in Destiny: Rise of… Rise of Salad, or whatever the fuck it was called, was terrible. He was just… every bit of development he had was… undercut by his terrible… dialog. Look, let me just play a couple of clips, to remind you what kind of shit we’re talking about here, like, I-I just can’t — I don’t know how you can defend this. I don’t know… why you take it so personally, it’s just — it’s just shit. (Lord of Salad): This is all still new to them. Until they did. This is not Rasputin… but neither is it something I know how to fight. It infected our weapons. (high-pitched) Until they did. (IHE): “If it’s a waste of time, then why do you play it and make retarded videos in it, faggot?” First off, you don’t necessarily go “into” a video game when you play it. I don’t know… maybe… metaphorically, you’re supposed to be transported “into” the world?… immersed “in” the world, but, uh… you’re not physically IN it. I made videos ABOUT it, I think that’s what you mean. Not-not really sure what the insult was about… why that was necessary; if you really felt this way, you could’ve just said… “If you think it’s a waste of time, then why did you feel like you had to make a video on it?” Well, I didn’t, I was trying to explain to the people, I’ve been making Destiny videos for a long time now, okay?! I’m the guy… It’s my job to be lookin’ at these Destiny videos, y’know? Makin’ these… I think they’re entertaining videos, I think they’re just fine. Y’know, I don’t feel like it’s just filler, I feel like I had stuff to say, points to make, and I did make. Ain’t that right, Ghost?! (Ghost): You’re goddamn motherfucking right! You are! You are the best YouTuber! You deserve subscribers up the wazoo! Up so far the waz- (IHE): Stop. Stop. (Ghost): You’re so… you’re amazing!! And drumroll please for this next one, because we have the edgiest name I have ever seen on YouTube: “The-beast-inside-03”. He’s the third edgiest “beast inside” on this website. “This guy judges this game even though he never plays it, like, the fuck?” Now, listen here, bub. How did I write enough content for a thirty minute video, if I never played the game? Just think about that for a moment. Why would I own… this ghost?… Why THE FUCK would I own this little ghost right here, if I didn’t play the FUCKING game? Use your noggin. Use your FUCKING NOGGIN! And even if I didn’t play the fucking game, even if this was the first time I played Destiny, and I just played through the campaign of Rise of Iron, why would I not be entitled to having an opinion on what I played?! Do I have to… log in day-in, day-out and spend every second; every waking moment of my fucking day playing Destiny: Rise of Iron to have an opinion on it? I didn’t realize that I had to play it… (IHE starts laughing) I had to dedicate my whole fucking life to it; I didn’t realize I had to marry Destiny: Rise of Iron to be able to have a fucking opinion on it. Ain’t that right, Ghost?! (Ghost): You know what, you smart motherfucker who’s the greatest, smartest, best YouTuber I’ve ever known? You have never been more right in your entire goddamn life, I tell you — I tell you what right now! (IHE): What the fuck is happening? “Your so negative”. I’m not “so negative”, actually, I’m just critical. There’s a difference. You just take it as being negative. Because I was critical of something that you might like. It’s okay! I… I – y’know… fundamentally, I’m sure Destiny’s fine. Playing it is fine. I did compliment it, I was actually… when I wrote this video, I thought to myself, “Hey, y’know what? I’m usually pretty harsh on the series, so I’m gonna actually compliment things that I think are good”; I said the music was good… I said things looked good, I said the art design was good, shit like that. I comptimented — I complimented shit, but… when something is fundamentally flawed in my book, I don’t feel like I have to… fuckin’ be positive ’bout everything all the time; it’s fine to be critical. It’s fine to be critical about things you like. Oh, Ghost, this one is gonna tickle your fuckin’ bollocks right here; it’s gonna piss you off good. (Ghost): Oh, you have me in suspense! Just read it already; I’m really excited for this one! (IHE): “Destiny’s good story”–get this: “Destiny’s good story is in the Grimoire cards, dumbass,” …it’s in the Grimoire cards… sorry, I didn’t know that! “how ’bout ya read ’em, then remake this video?” Did you even watch the fucking video?! Did you even watch what I said?! Did you even watch what I fucking said?! You think I should compliment a game’s story… for requiring me… to leave the video game… actively go away from the thing that’s supposed to be telling me the story, log in to my Bungie account on the fucking website, and go through some cards… that you click, and they spin around all nice and animated, and then you can read the lore, oh, that’s really great storytelling, that’s REALLY… making the most out of fucking video games, wow, what a brand new medium. Reading cards on the internet, what a fucking great way of telling a story. Good job Bungie, I take back everything I’ve said. Ooh boy, this is gettin’ heated, Ghost; I don’t know if I can go any further. (Ghost): You must! For the sake of… They all died until they did! (IHE): What the fuck is going on? This is fuckin’ rich. This is fuckin’ rich right here. This is from, uh… Gabrielle. “The only reason you don’t like the game is ‘cuz you don’t understand the story. Maybe if you did, you would like it, and Halo is worse than Destiny. Is better. (chuckling) And no one likes you, and that’s why they exposed your face, and man, it’s ugly, and everything about this game is better than any game you play, oh wait, you’re too poor to afford anything, ‘cuz no one likes you, so kill yourself, and post it, so you can get rid of your ugly face and no one would care, if you would even die, your parents and you try making a game sense everything is horrible to you, so how you make a billion dollar company. Where to even begin? Where to even fuckin’ begin? Ghost, should I even… justify this comment with a response? What do you think? (Ghost): You know what I think about this fucking comment right here? You know what I think, Gabrielle, you stupid piece of shit? You are the scum of this world, you are the living fucking scum, the pond scum! The shitty little bits that get stuck in my ass when I fucking have diarrhea, you’re the fucking worst, you are the… the absolute monster, you’re a monstrosity, go to fucking school, you petulant child, fucking learn to spell, grammar, commas exist, you know, you fucking… moron! (IHE): Good God, you are on a role today, little Ghost buddy, ol’ pal, ol’ friend over there, you’re… he’s on a role. I’m gonna ignore most of that, I-I do not condone the opinions of Ghost here; completely irrelevant to things that I feel. “Dude, shut the fuck up.” Okay. I’ll shut up and let Ghost talk! Go ahead, Ghost! (Ghost): Who the fuck do you think you are, “Th[bleep]r 36”, coming to his fucking video, coming to his fucking video and telling him to and telling him to sh[bleep]?! The pause button exists, right? Y’know, the little ‘X’ at the corner of the screen you can press that closes the fucking window so you don’t have to engage with what you’re seeing that you don’t agree with, you don’t have to fucking waste your time going on things you do not like. Why don’t you sh[bleep] in your little petulant comments, you little child? You little FUCKING CHILD!! (IHE): Not comfortable with this. Don’t agree with what he’s saying. “Go fuck yourself, whiny bitch.” “Whiny” spelled wrong, of course… um… I’m gonna hide… gonna cover Ghost’s eyes here, while I show you, uh… this – this fella’s picture right here. It’s, um… quite sexual in nature, he’s showing off them damn abs… them damn abs, he’s worked real hard on over there. (sigh) Why do people do that? I don’t wanna see your goddamn naked body on YouTube comments. If I wanted that, I’d go other places. Not a fucking YouTube comment, come on, man. Put a shirt on, for Christ’s sake. “You could’ve said it was shit in a one second video, you have abysmal taste in video games.” I’m guessing you watched one second of the video. Because, like… if I made a one second video saying “it’s shit”, I’m no better than the fucking rant channels that you make when you’re eight years old, and you’re like… “Ooh, Clash of Clans is shit!”, and it’s like, you, your… a close-up of your nose just like “Hello everyone! Yeah, ClashOfClansHater here, look, Clash of Clans is shit! Really awful! And, y’know, you have no respect towards… they have no integrity, no one gives a fuck about them… why would I wanna do that? Maybe as a one-off April Fools’ joke, make a one-second video, that could be… that could be extremely lol XD hilarious random funny, but… but this? Terrible suggestion. And saying I have abysmal… Oh, my God, it just makes no fucking sense! If I had made a one-second video, you’d be saying “Wow, you didn’t go into much depth, you barely talked about it at all, you fucking loser!” (Ghost): Yes, and you know what else? He fucking makes fun of your taste in video games, well, why does — what the fuck does he play?! Taste in video games is fucking opinion! You can’t fucking say it’s abysmal taste unless I… all I fucking play was like, I don’t know, fucking… H[bleep] 2016 Bullshit Edition [long bleep] (IHE): Bit rude. Bit rude, Ghost, went a bit too far with that one. Ghost, like, this one is so fucking stupid, I want you to read it. (Ghost): “Lol, he’s using normal mode raid hand cannon.” What kind of fucking comment is that?! (IHE): I know, right, it’s just fucking stupid. You-You’re really… THAT’S what you’re obsessing over? That’s the thing you take away from this video, is that, because I hadn’t played the game in… months… since The fuckin’ Taken King came out, so… like six months, or whatever the fuck it was. Maybe longer. THAT’S what you take away from it? Just fuck off! (sigh) Des[bleep] “Fuck you, bit”- I have no patient for these fucking assholes. I have no patience for you anymore. You fucking [bleep] I have no fucking patience for you. William says, uh, “Fuck, it’s the story.” Do you have any clue what that means? (Ghost): No. Not one little tiny smidgen of a little bit. (IHE): Yeah, me neither. I’m gonna move on. This one’s strange… “I hate when I say ‘I hate’ when too many times.” (repeated more quietly) “I hate when I say ‘I hate’ when too many times”… What do you want me to say? I don’t fuckin’ know what any of that means. It’s just gobbledygook. I’ll try and reply to it in the same kinda way of talking: “Sorry, understand you, how ’bout you, and maybe?” There you go, there’s your response. This just sounds like someone bitching about why an MMO doesn’t play like a single player game. You can’t have both; all these people who bitch about Destiny actually want something like Hayo. …Hayer… …HaLO. Play an MMO to grind and min/max shit, or play a single player game with storytelling; engaging characters. They can never work well together. I thought that was, like, the point of Destiny from the get-go. That’s what they always presented it as. “This is the game that is fuckin’ everyone, it has single-player, it’s got all these MMO light elements…” ‘Cuz I don’t think this IS an MMO. It’s not. Doesn’t have enough content, surely, to be an MMO, I thought the whole idea of MMOs was that you pay a subscription for constant dribble content just dribblin’ (slurp) just dribblin’ all over the fuckin’ place, you’re… you’re swarmed with shit to do, but this… this presents itself as something that should have… a-a campaign. It says: “This is a brand-new campaign.” It presents itself as… more of a shooter, almost, than an MMO, it’s almost like a… a shooter with a bunch of maps… …with MMO elements, rather than the other way round. “Oh, fucking hell, just get over it… budgie. it’s not going to make the sa- (laughing) the same fucking game every time, duuur, fucking retard.” So, like, with this one- (Ghost): EY! I’m gonna take this one, actually. I’m gonna take this one. (IHE): Go ahead. (Ghost): Look… Look here… [bleep] you little fucking piece of shit. What do you say, “Budgie boy”? You little fucking tool… You’re a little worm! You’re a worm! [bleep] You’re da worm, [bleep] worm, [bleep] wormy- [bleep] (IHE): This is bullying now. Stop it. You don’t know he’s a worm; he could be a human. He could be any animal, for all we know. This is just an anonymous comment. (Ghost): I’m just trying to fend my master. You’re my master; the best YouTuber I know. You’re so good! (IHE): Thanks, I know. I am in full agreement with all of those things you just said. Haha! This is my favorite one: “Thanks for ruining the imaginations of other players who like the game and maybe want to play it, unlike you.” “Just go fuck off- of… back to your boring life.” I actually had quite a lot of fun picking this game apart. That’s where I got MY enjoyment. Sorry if, um… you’re so un-confident in your opinions of Destiny that my video… made you see… the light? I guess… would be the only way to describe it, ‘cuz, like… If it ruined your imagi- what the fuck you talking about, how did it “ruin your imagination”? How does anything in my video do that? You’re j- it’s just complete bullshit. I’m gonna end on, uh, this final question… Would, uh… Ghost? (Ghost): Yes? (IHE): Would you do me the honors, my little mini-mate? (Ghost): But of course. “I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy hates his own cock.” (IHE): It’s a good job reading that one while it’s spinnin’ round. Very good job. Clearly I do hate my own cock if I… insist on wearing jeans so tight, that… my skin can barely breath, but… honestly, answering this seriously, I don’t hate my own cock. I’m very proud of my cock; I’m very proud of… every single little bit. Of me. So, Ghost, I just want to thank you for joining me on this, uh… wonderful Comment Comeback. You will not be returning, ‘cuz you are… a bit of a cunt, to be honest. A bit too crazy; a bit too mean. Um, you really are the… the “Hate Everything” in this episode right here; you do hate everything. Don’t you, you little… you little gremlin, you little… fucking cunt, you piece of fucking shit… So, hope you enjoyed that one! Uh, what do you think… of Destiny? The, uh… my video… my comebacks to some of these… I hope you like this new setup… well, it’s not even a new setup, it’s just for this one episode… with old, uh, ghosty-buddy-boy over here… he’s a good man, he’s a good man, this old buddy boy, so, uh… thanks for tuning in. And, um, this is probably… horribly overly long… um… Comment Comebacks make me want to kill myself, I’ll see you next time.