Jordan Peterson – How To Fight Social Anxiety
Let’s say you’re socially anxious. Okay so, what happens when you’re socially anxious? You go to a party, your heart’s beating Why? The party is a monster. Why? Because it’s judging you. And its judging you, it’s putting you low down the dominance hierarchy. Because that’s what a negative judgement is And that interferes with your sexual success. And that means that you are being partially evaluated by nature itself Right, so you aren’t confronting the dragon of chaos when you go into the social situation. And so what you do You’re like this, you hunch over. And that’s low dominance, I’m no threat He well that’s not gonna get you very far You know, but that’s a logical thing to do, in, in the, in the face of a tyran “I’m no threat” You know, you look at the king and you’re dead. I’m no threat, I’m hunched over. And then what’s happening internally “How and what are people thinking about me, what are people thinking about me.” “Am I looking stupid?” “Am I looking foolish, geez I’m awkward, I hate being here, man I’m sweating too much.” It’s all, internalized. Right, it’s all self-focused. The, the, the eye isn’t worki-. The eye isn’t working! What do you tell people stop, dont stop thinking about yourself, cuz you cant It’s like, dont think of a white elephant White elephant, white elephant, white elephant You can’t tell someone to stop thinking about something because they get caught in a loop What you do with socially anxious people is you say Look at other people Look at them Right. Why? ’cause if you look at them you can tell what they’re thinking And, unless you’re terribly socialized, and some people are, some people have no social skills and so The reason they cant go to party is because they dont know how to introduce themselves. Like they’re just, noone ever taught them how to behave And so they’re really good- candidates for behaviour therapy. ‘Cause you walk them through the process of how you actually- manifest the procedures that are associated with social acceptability. But most people aren’t like that, they have the ability So, if they’re really introverted and higher neurotism(?). They can usually talk quite well to someone one on one. Why? ‘Cause they look at them! but/what if I look at you It’s another thing to do if you’re ever speaking to a group of people Never! speak to the group of people. That doesnt exist! you talk to individuals. And then they reflect for you the entire group! ‘Cause theyre all entrained So you look at one person They broadcast to you what everyone is thinking and, you know how to talk to one person So it’s easy So As soon as you focus on the person, not you Push your attention outwards, use your eyes to push your attention outwards And you start watching, well then all your automatic mechanisms kick in And you stop being awkward. ‘Cause if we’re talking, and I’m looking here- I dont know what you’re gonna do next And I’m gonna put, dysjunctions, they’re like a- Bad chords in the melody of our- Of our conversation. And the reason is I’m not paying attention. So that’s why they eye is at the top of the pyramid. It’s like- The thing that enables you to win the set of all possible dominance hierarchy is the eye! Pay attention Pay attention. That’s the critical issue. That’s why the egyptians worshiped Horus That’s why Horus was the thing that rescued Osiris from the depths It’s the capacity to pay attention What do you pay attention to most? *CLAP* What your right hemisphere signals as anomalous It attracts your attentions. Like, this isn’t going quite right I’m not looking at that. WRONG! That’s what you look at. That’s what you look at. What’s not going right, because that’s- See that’s the terrible monster that might eat you but it’s also the place where you get all of the information. So That’s why it’s useful to have discussions with your enemies Because they will tell you things you do not know And that’s such a great thing because, if you don’t know them hewell you’re not very smart, are you? You know, there may be a time when you go somewhere and that’s the thing you need to know And maybe your enemy will tell you why you are such a fool You know, and a bunch of other things that are not true too but Even one thing that’s accurate, it’s like, yeah thank’s very much man, maybe I’ll do some work on that And, I wont have to carry that forward So, and then thats part of the reason again why the terrible predator- It’s always the terrible predator that has the gold. It’s like, it’s the person that delivers the message that you do not want to hear So it’s rough, it’s rough. But it doesnt matter, life is rough.