Most marital unions were either arranged or based on a logical, rational decision to blend lives because it made sense for economic or political reasons. Back then, romantic love lived in art, music, poetry and in the tortured hearts of men and women who were married to someone else. Around the time of the industrial revolution, when a middle class began to emerge, the idea of romantic love became accepted as a basis to marry. Love songs now sang about commitment but also ominous lyrics and prose that told of downtrodden women who made poor romantic love choices and paid dearly for it. Nevertheless, romantic love became the necessary ingredient for marriage in Western culture. And it has remained so for about a century.
Rationals are the least likely type to remember anniversaries, birthdays and other important milestones, and they're even less likely to present you with a meaningful gift. INTPs in particular are inconsistent in their preparations for significant events and may end up snatching an emergency gift from Walmart on the way home. If you're a type that likes surprise getaway weekends Artisans or thoughtful declarations of affection Idealiststhen you're going to be seriously disappointed the next time an important date rolls around.
On the plus side, Rationals do tend to be the most steadfast of partners. You might not get a luxury city break for your anniversary, but at least you'll get an anniversary.
Rationals take extra care to monitor the quality of their relationships. In fact, you'll often find them theorizing about the status of the relationship, and how they can make the necessary adjustments to keep the relationship happy and healthy.
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If any flaw is detected, the Rational will fix it or they will delete your phone number. They won't make a show of it. They'll simply weigh you up against whatever it is they need from a relationship - intellectual stimulation, fidelity, independence, humor - and they won't waste time dating you if they don't see a future together.
It sounds harsh, but Rationals rarely lose their objectivity among the heady rush of chemistry and hormones. While Rationals are hot on quality control, they know that people are fallible. They don't place unrealistic expectations on people and they don't expect their partners to be perfect. Their preference is for macro over micro, theory over details, and for the big picture over the specifics.
As long as you check the major boxes, a Rational really won't care or at least will tolerate that you turn up half an hour late or leave your dirty clothes on the floor. Unlike Idealists who often take up the romantic task of seeking the "love of their life," Rationals understand that no one has one true love, and that compromise goes a long way towards making a relationship work. To an NT personality, the good stuff will always outweigh the little frustrations here and there.
That's the logical way to approach relationship decisions.
It's what a Rational does. At the end of the day, once we have found a worthy partner, we will move forward with confidence and gusto.
You just need to get our attention, stay interesting, tolerate our ineptitude with feelings and voila! You've bagged yourself an NT! Jayne is a freelance copywriter, business writer and the blog editor here at Truity.
One part word nerd, two parts skeptic, she helps clients discover the amazing power of words on a page. Find Jayne at White Rose Copywriting. Your communications have enriched me. I have considered setting up a blog or website to put kernals of importanr, to me, observations about society,public affairs, liberty and faith and their intesection. This really is a precious article. I can't agree more on what you're saying. Thank you.
I am grateful for your illuminating article. I'm sure it wasn't even meant to be taken with a grain of salt. But why would anyone want to bag such a smug douchebag?
I can see how that seems kinda smug and douchey especially 3 and 4but it doesn't have to apply that way. Rationals want to have a real, organic relationship, not one made from society's cookie-cutter assembly line. While they wish they did, rationals have no idea how to flirt and will drive themselves crazy trying to figure it out.
Because of this, they feel cornered when expected to flirt or flirt back.
Mar 28, As Samantha Daniels, Relationship Expert and Founder of The Dating Lounge dating app tells Bustle, many times your fears may surface after talking to your friends about their drama, comparing your Author: Kristine Fellizar.
With a little comical overstatement For a Rational, intimacy involves sharing and exploring thoughts and ideas, so if the only type of conversation they can have with their most intimate partner is futile and empty i. Coke vs. Pepsi or Ohio State vs. U of M sorry lola Rational will feel as though their partner either rejects or cannot access what they feel is the richest and most important part of them.
Personal note: A Rational probably does not need their partner to carry and lead the conversation or even have any sort of mastery of the topics though that may be a plus. It is generally enough just to be willing to listen, think, reply, and follow their line of reasoning while adding questions and thoughts of your own to enrich the flow of thought it is even better if genuine interest is taken in the topics. I knew a woman who had little familiarity with any of the topics she and I discussed, but her interest and willingness to follow the line of thought and contribute with observations and thoughts of her own was incredibly attractive.
For similar reasons as Number 2, Rationals are not comfortable with expression of feelings. Often this discomfort may come from inarticulateness or from the feeling that direct statements or displays of affection from them would be trite and gaudy, so a Rational will either avoid the topic or attempt to convey their feelings subtly to protect them from insipid vapidity.
In order to deal with this tendency, a partner would either have to have "thick skins and tremendous self control" in order to need much less affectionate expression, be able to interpret subtle hints, or depending on the individual help the Rational to feel comfortable making simple expressions of affection and assure them that these expressions are appreciated.
What is Rational Love?
Note: even after this last option, expression may still come less often than from other personality types merely out of preoccupation. They will also likely desire to enact these ideas or engage in an environment where the Rational's abilities can be used to bring about meaningful results. A Rational does not mean to reject their partner, but merely desires to have an individual identity as well.
Similar to Number 1 Rationals naturally focus on concepts, ideas, and principles rather than societal norms, expectations, and the passage of time.
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This can make them very absent-minded and forgetful of events and practices that most people consider to be important. A Rational may also forget that particular days are special to others - either because they become absorbed in their thoughts or because, in their conceptual perception, particular days as concepts have no emotional quotient assigned to them based upon their placement upon the Gregorian calendar.
I, for instance, frequently forget my own birthday if not reminded, and do not consider it especially important for others to remember it. It is also possible that a Rational may simply overthink these events, and so for reasons similar to Number 4 avoid or neglect it consciously or subconsciously.
Rationals want their relationships to work not be dysfunctional and want to make them as good as is practically possible. They reason that this is the right thing to do for both parties of the relationship, as both will suffer from either a dysfunctional relationship or from a painful breakup after an emotional investment.
The Rational does not wish them ill, but merely determines that this relationship is not what either one of them needs. While rationals are hard on ideas, they are tolerant on people. They will bludgeon an idea to death trying to get it just right, but do not expect perfection from people, and are willing to accept people's quirks and faults.
Keep in mind this is only MY take on it. I may be wrong, and other Rationals will have their own interpretations. Also note that the way that these personality types manifest will vary depending on many influences including environment, ideology, religion, philosophy, and education. This fits me to a T!
Thanks for you interpretations. I am starting to feel more comfortable with my ENTJ personality especially when it comes to dating and taking it with a little bit of humour and cutting myself some slack for not being able to be all lovey-dovey :D definitely helps!
Not a douchebag?
Just different. It's not like we don't appreciate our partners, we just do it in a less obvious way. Doesn't mean other ways are wrong. Smartypants - seriously, if you don't get it, it's because you're not going to be good enough for us. Simple as that. Don't waste our time thinking you're cute. Something to be aware of is that NTs are almost always despised and bullied in society - as you have done with your comment no judgement, we're all used to it.
The underlying truth in this article is a belief in our own isolation.
Moment-to-moment awareness of and responsiveness to each other's needs are the stuff of secure connections between partners. When one partner feels that the security of the relationship . Most marital unions were either arranged or based on a logical, rational decision to blend lives because it made sense for economic or political reasons. Back then, romantic love lived in art, music, poetry and in the tortured hearts of men and women who were married to someone fireemblemheroestips.com: Dr. Wendy Walsh. 8 Ridiculous Rules About Dating a Rational #1: Accept that they are romantic late bloomers. #2: Flirting feels faintly disgusting to them. #3: You won't get far without great conversation. #4: They won't talk about feelings. #5: They will have outside commitments that interfere with the.
I tend to agree with the author although would also observe that she is an INTJ. Have a look at Loco7 and Michael of Michigan's answers for an elaboration of our diversity. I would also consider myself a romantic early bloomer and a chronic flirt I will flirt with almost any girl wether I find them attractive or not. I agree. There is a heavily cultural assumption in the article - that the functions underlying intuitive thinking correspond to rationalism.
Rationalism itself is a subject worthy of debate for us and is probably not something we would adhere to except as a useful tool. And it has remained so for about a century. The difference between romantic love and rational love is an awareness of power and choice amongst the heady rush of dopamine and sex hormones.
If romantic love is based on chance and the total immersion into sexual attraction, rational love is based on self-control and sound decision-making skills. Both can be hot and exciting, but rational love is unleashed in a calculated, responsible fashion. In fact, research shows relationships that begin with hot sexual chemistry often have the worst long-term outcomes. Relationships that begin with a friendship score higher on happiness, faithfulness and longevity.
These women may appear to be social climbers, but they choose to unleash their passion and sexuality on men who exhibit signs of being a good provider, whether through money and social connections or both.
Women's Dating. Discuss This! Soon after, art, music and novels began to show new themes.
So what is rational love?