Getting to know someone who is shy can be a frustrating experience, especially if you don't know the reasons why that particular person is shy. In a dating situation you may read the signs wrong or not be able to judge if she is actually into you or interested. I've always been a shy girl myself, so below is some very good advice that I would give to people who would want to date a shy girl, as well as what has worked and what hasn't when someone was dating me. Before you even consider to date a shy girl or befriend her, it's important to understand that people are shy for their own reasons. Some girls are shy because they have had a bad experience in the past, such as getting bullied for being the "know-it-all" in class while others learned from their parents to never talk unless spoken to. Some girls are also more shy around boys, especially if they've never had someone interested in them before.
However, the middle of the year brought a challenge of its own.
How to Date a Shy Girl
I found myself encountering more and more girls who were attracted to me, but who were naturally awkward. I would try to depressurize the situations with humor and vivacious energy, but they would just give me awkward laughs or a load of silence. The first few times this happened, it made me really, really uncomfortable.
I would just keep talking and talking and she would just keep listening and listening, maybe chiming in with a brief word here and there, and yet the situation would remain just as tense.
And I would find myself kindly excusing myself from the situations even though I still knew deep down that the girl had at least moderate attraction for me. And then came the costume girl. The costume girl was not wearing a costume the first time I met her.
In fact, she was wearing rather normal clothes.
I met her out at a nightspot when I was out with my wingwomen one night. It was a really funny situation because I had two girls with me, and she had two guys with her. So her guy friends immediately started hitting on my girlfriends, who are admittedly pretty cute, and I started flirting with her. The interaction was pretty awkward no surprise there. But I decided that this time I would really try to push through. I knew that I had come a long way with the first type of awkward girls and I wanted to see how I would fare with girls who are extremely awkward.
So I stayed my usual charming self, asking about her life and making jokes to do my best to release the tension. The first 25 minutes or so were brutal. She was barely opening up, barely saying anything, and I was carrying the brunt of the conversation. And this was not a problem in practice, or in word, but mostly in energy. What you will find with awkward girls is that they have a way of sapping your energy because you have to expend so much making up for their lack of social acuity.
But even though the situation was so uncomfortable, there she was.
What to Do on a First Date
She was still talking with me. She was still listening. She was not going anywhere. And so I kept interacting with her. The interaction persisted for another 20 minutes or so. And in these last 20 minutes, she definitely warmed up. She loosened up, she told me more stories, and she even danced with me a little bit.
At the end of the interaction, I grabbed her number and asked her out on a date.
I text her later that night to leave my name and make a joke about something we had talked about. She did not respond. Though, this fact is not that surprising. The next day I sent her a challenge text to see if I could try to get a reaction out of her and set up the date, but she still did not bite. In the end, I thought it was fine. As always, I knew that there are an infinite number of girls, and I immediately focused my energy on bringing other girls into my life.
I moved on with the certainty that I would probably never see her again. And then came Halloween. When I realized who it was, I thought about what I should do. In most situations, when encountering an unsavory girl, I usually just carry on about my business. But this time I wanted to try something different. She was just as awkward as I had remembered her, but she was still giving me many signs of attraction. I got her to invest in the situation by asking her opinion on various decorations that I was planning on buying.
And she seemed to be pretty into it. And then we parted ways, and left it at that. But at that point, I thought that I should continue down the track of trying something new. I had a good time talking with you just now and I would still like to take you on that date.
But the thing about busy people is that they find time to do things they really like. So if you are not interested, then no worries. And I will not contact you again. But if you are interested, then you will text me when you find time and we will go out. But no pressure though, whatever you choose is fine with me! And I left the interaction at that.
Let us get together if you still have time. I was pleasantly surprised.
I ended up going out with her that week, and even though it was still fairly awkward, we still had a good time. And throughout that date, I learned a couple of valuable lessons. Throughout the date, I just kept in my mind that with women, it is all about results and not reactions. And as I was bouncing her from venue to venue, she seemed to continue to follow me, so I just kept moving forward even if the situation got awkward. It was such an interesting experience because I knew that I had to maintain the energy the entire night.
If the energy started to dissipate, I knew the whole interaction would fall apart because she would not do anything to keep the momentum going. So you just have to keep asking pointed, open-ended questions until you hit a topic that they really care about.
You have to be supremely interested. For her, the topic was her siblings. She had twin younger siblings and triplet younger siblings - all considerably younger.
And it seemed that she grew up in a poorer background, so she was forced to grow up faster than most people. That was really interesting to learn about. And she seemed to get a whole new energy when she was telling me about it. It was a relief to finally hit on a topic that she was passionate about.
So I probed and delved deeper into it for as long as I could. And even when our threads went other directions, and especially when she would start to get awkward again, I would find a way to work it back in.
After hitting a few spots, I accidentally happened upon my apartment building. But after punching in the code, she seemed to catch on. And still she continued to follow me. And as we got up to my place, I followed my usual closing protocol.
She was still getting awkward even while I was kissing and touching her.
And I was unsure if I should keep going, but she seemed alright with it. After a very, very long date, I walked her to her car.
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And much to my surprise, she thanked me for the date. It was a great ending on that particular night.
It was actually a refreshing thing to hear because she was completely honest about it. And it was on a good day for letting things go, too.
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After her, I have encountered a few more naturally awkward girls, and the most important thing that I always remember is to just keep pushing forward.
My final encounter with that awkward girl from Halloween really got me thinking. The night before she sent me that conclusory text, and was at a party with a bunch of good friends. I was telling one of my good female friends about the situation that I had been having with this girl. It is my general belief that if the girl is not down from day one, then you are not going to end up with her.
So you may as well not waste your time. I knew there was a reason why I keep her around. It was a very striking thing for me to hear.
And it was definitely a good reminder of my own understanding of the tenets of desire. And having this exchange definitely helped me fully let go of the situation without any hang-ups. In fact, I even thanked my awkward girl for her openness and honesty.
And as I was reflecting on the situation even more, I came to think about the idea of a niche or a tribe. Our society is moving back slowly toward an artisanal style of work. Rather than people desiring to be in large corporations, they would rather be in small boutiques or even start their own small businesses where they can focus on one specialized skillor set of skills.
This type of business is focused more toward catering to a specific demographic of people rather than trying to use the blanket approach that has been preached for the last few decades.
And it is making companies much more successful and much more able to satisfy the needs of their true market.
Dating nervous girl
Some guys were really good with Asian girls; some guys were really good with actresses; some guys were really good with driven business women. Why would you not just get as many as you possibly can and really push your limits as often as you can? But now after a few years in the game, I fully realize why guys tend to hone in on a specific niche. You find that some girls do not share your interests; some girls are too boring; some girls party too much ; some girls cannot handle your sense of humor; and some girls just do not have as much ambition as you would like in a woman.
You learn that there are a thousand different things that you find undesirable about most women, and you lose the drive and energy to win these girls over by having to constantly game them into hanging out with you. Instead, you just find a niche of girl that you really love spending time with. Sometimes it is based on a personality trait like being artsy and introspective.
Sometimes it is based on geographic location or origin like having a passion for South American women. And you realize that the probability of finding a long-term girlfriend or even wife from your niche girl is actually pretty good - much higher than the random scattershot approach.
That is not to say that you should not game girls outside of your niche. You should still Soday gameyou should still flirt with girls at partiesand you should still move fast in all situations. These actions will help you keep your skills sharp.
And for some of you reading this, you may not be at that point. You may still be at the point where you are just trying to get as many references with as many different types of girls you possibly can. And that is completely fine.
But for the men who feel like their efforts are too frenetic, or their lives are too busy, focusing on developing a mental model of what your niche girl is, and then investing your energy on finding and seducing that kind of girl, can be one of the most valuable things you ever do. So do I love awkward girls?
Why are People Shy?
I love all women. But at the end of the day, in my heart of hearts, I know that they are not for me. And that is okay. Awkward girls come in many varieties.
They can be nerdy, funny, smart, or just average. But sometimes it is hard to get to know them and find out which type really lies under the surface. So now you have the tools to at least assess what kind of girl you are dealing with and to not get in your own head about whether or not she is attracted to you. More often than not, she is probably wondering whether or not you are attracted to her.
So the key is to make her feel as comfortable as possible and then to keep moving forward with your usual process. Karaoke in front of a billion people?
Yeah, no. How to gracefully accept a compliment is probably a thing she has yet to master.
Sep 24, Dating a shy girl is a lot about showing them how much they are loved, how the things they say actually make sense, and how their opinion matters to you, no matter what. Therefore, in order to accomplish all this, you have to listen to her with the utmost attention, so that she doesn't start to feel fireemblemheroestips.com: Aishani Laha. Apr 02, She's probably not looking for a shy guy. Realistically speaking, the two of you wouldn't be able to look each other in the eye and everything would be a hot mess. Besides, opposites attract Occupation: Social Media Manager.
It's actually the worst, I don't know why I wore it like this. But yeah, I like your, um, face.
I mean, your hair is great too, super good. OK, bye. She's an incredible listener. Seriously, the best of the best. Shy girls listen - like, really listen - to each and every one of your thoughts with the most discerning ear.
She'll add her own two cents, but she'll also always let you finish what you want to say. She enjoys parties. First of all, the more people, the less of a chance there is that all the attention will be on her.
Secondly, being shy doesn't mean she hates meeting new people! It just takes her a little longer to come out of her shell. If she isn't speaking too much at first, it's not because she's disinterested. She's surveying the scene and taking it all in. She'll chime in to the conversation eventually.
She's obsessed with outgoing people. No, really! They reminder her that it's OK to loosen up once in awhile. Don't call her out for not being able to make eye contact. Making solid eye contact is a legitimately difficult thing to do when you're shy! She gets anxiety just thinking about it. She's probably not looking for a shy guy. Realistically speaking, the two of you wouldn't be able to look each other in the eye and everything would be a hot mess.
Besides, opposites attract, etc.
She's selfless. She's not the type of person who craves attention. She finds joy in other people's happiness, and she expects the person she dates to do the same.