ated: September 6, References. If you practice abstinence , you may sometimes feel that dating is a challenge. You might feel that you either have to give up being abstinent or stop dating. But you don't have to give up practicing abstinence or dating. You can practice abstinence while you are dating if you communicate that you're abstinent, spend time with your date doing non-sexual activities, and stick to your decision. Log in Facebook. No account yet?
When it comes to the topic of sex the Bible also has a lot to say, since God is interested in every part of our lives and sex, by design, forms such an integral part. Current movies, books, television shows and magazines are full of impressions and suggestions about sex. We have examples all around us of couples engaging in premarital and extra-marital sex. We want to follow Christ and know what the Bible says about sex outside of marriage. I suppose the dynamics of that question and its answer relate not just to marriage, but to almost any strong desire that you have, especially a desire relating to people.
Why do we have overweening preoccupations with anything? We are not to frantically search for a spouse as if it depends solely on our own efforts. Neither are we to be passive, thinking that God will one day cause a spouse to arrive at our door. Should you just keep to yourself, hoping God will mysteriously drop Mr. Right onto your doorstep in some freak encounter? On the other hand, what if you miss the boat?
There is no Hebrew or Greek word used in the Bible that precisely refers to sex before marriage. The Bible undeniably condemns adultery and sexual immorality, but is sex before marriage considered sexually immoral?
A young engaged couple that I know recently confessed to allowing sexual compromise into their relationship.
So how big a deal is purity to God, anyway? For a Christian, dating a non-Christian is unwise, and marrying one is not an option. Click to see book details. Dating and Abstinence What are your beliefs about dating and premarital sex?
Is Missionary Dating a Good Idea? Jones How to date and stay pure When I typed out these words as an idea for an article on abstinence, I realized this was a difficult topic to get people talking about.
Courting What does a healthy, biblical dating or courting relationship look like in practice? Are You Compatible?
Explore other ways to be intimate. Remember that sex is only one way to show each other that you care.
Take advantage of all the other ways you can show your date that you care that don't interfere with your abstinence. Or, you may want to spend time together just talking and getting to know each other better. Method 3 of Encourage yourself. It will not always be easy to practice abstinence while dating. Take the time to remind yourself why you are practicing abstinence and to encourage yourself to keep it up. Even when it's hard, I know that I can practice abstinence while I'm dating.
Take a break from intimacy. If you are on a date and things starting getting a little too intimate, then take a break from the date for a minute or two. It also gives you and your date time to calm down a bit. Go to the bathroom and splash some water on your face.
Look in the mirror and remind yourself that you can be abstinent and you are. Even just moving a few inches away from your date can give you enough of a break to stop things from going too far. Talk to someone close to you. Sharing your challenges and successes with a close family member or friend can help you stick to your decision to practice abstinence.
For example, you could talk to your best friend about how to handle going on a date to see a movie with lots of sex scenes. Or, you might share with your mom how you dealt with your date's friends pressuring you guys to have sex.
There may even be support groups in your community for people that are practicing abstinence. Avoid drugs and alcohol. It will be much easier to practice abstinence while dating if you aren't under the influence of anything that could impair your judgment.
Avoiding drugs and alcohol will make it easier for you to avoid situations that could make it hard for you to remain abstinent. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Submit a Tip All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published. Related wikiHows. About This Article.
Dating While Abstinent? ??
Co-Authored By:. Co-authors: ated: September 6, While I am very well aware that the Bible says to abstain from sex until marriage 1 Corinthians and that should be reason enough for you not to do it.
Meaning I spend a lot of time researching and understanding why God intended sex to be exclusive to marriage and how abstinence in a relationship is actually a benefit. As mentioned above, abstaining from sex leads to greater intimacy in your relationship. Contrarily to common believe, sleeping with someone only gets you close to them on a superficial, physical level.
Real intimacy comes from getting to know each other on a deeper level. And entrusting each other with parts of yourselves that you prefer to keep hidden.
Secondly, one of the most important benefits a Christian gains from waiting until marriage is actually a fruit of the spirit -self-control. Not just in your love life but also in other areas of your life.
The next one is my favorite you already know that when I say that, it means I suffered from it in the past lol. Us women, we tend to cling to the relationship if sex is involved.
Because we are ashamed to have given ourselves to yet another man. Men tend to cling to the relationship when sex is involved because they like the convenience and familiarity of it.
Leading both of them to prolong the break-up process even if God is clearly pointing out huge red flags in the relationship.
Decisions made in a relationship should be mutual agreements between two people. W hile I agree that you should do what you feel is right for you and your body. Make sure to discuss abstinence with your boyfriend as early as possible. This will give him a chance to follow suit or end the relationship.
Sharing your conviction and faith with him will allow him to understand you better. And present itself as an opportunity for God to work on his heart as well.
Instead, respect his decision and thank God for an amicable break-up. You risk to seriously hurt him with an ultimatum like that.
And ladies, I know some of you think that waiting for feelings to run deep before having this conversation is a smart idea. But trust me when I tell you that is NOT the move. As a Christian woman, your goal should be to deal with the topic with integrity and kindness.
Dating and Abstinence
Just as you hope to receive from him in return. Same goes for your feelings. Instead, be brave enough to bring it up at the beginning of your dating season, courtship or relationship. The earlier you discuss abstinence with your boyfriend, the more logical and rational the conversation will be. Remember to include God when you discuss abstinence with your boyfriend, by praying before the conversation.
Have you ever had to discuss abstinence with your boyfriend? I did very earlier than he break up with me.
I thank God for that because I was praying asking God to if it is not the one, to make him run away from me. After our conversation I never heard from him, I guess that God had given me the answer.
I would love to wait to marriage, that has been my dream my whole life, but now my goal is a deep, committed relationship. We were having a lot of intimate encounters and they were starting to get pretty intense, and I honestly take the blame for that, cause that probably played with his sexual emotions. We started dating for a while, things became very shaky, I initiated a break-up. But because he kept coming back and was always there no matter how much I ignored him, I felt God had a plan for us both.
We got back together and at some point, we got to talk about celibacy. I wanted to remain celibate until marriage but he pointed out and was being honest about him not being able to carry through because of his sexual urges, how it might not be easy for him as he has had sex many times before and how it was so easy for him to get it anywhere else if he had such urges.
My values are my values. But God himself has a plan and will bless your decision. Thanks for the blog post. Im currently doing some research on purity cultures and evangelicals and found this.
Dating and Abstinence. What are your beliefs about dating and premarital sex? Do your dating values conform to God's standards or do they reflect cultural norms? Dating doesn't have to involve the heartache that goes along with our culture's process of "falling in love," which sends you on an out-of-control romantic journey that. How Abstinence can make dating better. Abstinence can make dating better! If you abstain from sex with someone you are dating there is no need to worry about contracting an STD or getting pregnant. Not having to worry about these issues can take a lot of stress off of a relationship. Dating the Right Person After 20 years in the profession of helping people, I have come to understand something: we cause much of our pain by the people we choose. In every kind of clinical issue that psychologists deal with, relationships are a big part of the picture in some way.
Thanks for the insight. Your research all spunds very interesting. Do you mind sharing your research regarding the product of our culture and the racist element please?
I met him and we had our first proper date in a restaurant in my city. Our second date was in his city but I also went to his house before going out for the date. We got comfortable and because the attraction was mutual we got to kissing and he got carried away.
When it seemed that our hormones had calmed down, I told him I wanted to continue practising celibacy. He was confused and taken aback. I think we said very little about it and for the rest of our time together.
I was so floored, I could have cried if I wasnt so hard headed. We continue strivig for this and he is super supportive, its encouragig and waems my heart?
Hey,thanks for this blog post. The next morning he asked us to kneel and he prayed to God for us and asked God to be our guide through this. I thank God so much for him and we are doing okayI feel it that he might be the one.? What if you already have had sex and your boyfriend, and you live with each other, but now you are working on improving your relationship with God and walk the path of righteousness how do you have this talk.
Hey Yoli, you do the same as mentioned in this post. With the difference that you repent and work out a way to talk about it before. There is no guarantee that he will be down for it, especially because you live together.
How To Discuss Abstinence With Your Boyfriend. You have been dating someone for a few weeks or months and decided to give the relationship a try. But in order to proceed with the relationship, you need to have 'the talk' and are asking yourself "How to discuss abstinence with your boyfriend".
I am currently living with my boyfriend, going on 6 months now. I have been trying to study the word, keep myself busy with work. He is very affectionate and wants to have sex, but Everytime we are intimate Im convicted afterwards and ask for forgiveness.